The Secret To A Lasting Loving Marriage

“The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in
love with a personality, but we must live with a
character.”
– Peter Devries

I was contemplating this quote in relation to my own troubled marriage recently and had a profound insight.

Our character is who we are behind closed doors when no-one is watching, while our personality is simply how we generate ourselves to the world around us.  I have come to realise that within this difference lies the secret to a long lasting and loving relationship.

When my husband and I met we were two very different people to who we are today. I met a self confident and cheeky man just back from a 6 month yachting adventure & he met a vivacious, slightly naive country girl excited to be moving to the Big Smoke.  We wooed each other with travel stories & shared interests and when I (the abandoned only child) discovered the easygoing & fun-loving father to three gorgeous picture perfect children I was gone – hook line and sinker.

Now we did better than most with 10 years of marital blended family bliss before the cracks began to appear.  Looking back I can see that these cracks were our ‘inner selves’ emerging from hyper-sleep, bit by bit as our comfort grew.  When we finally stood naked in the harsh light of day we met one another’s characters for the first time.  Those aspects of ourselves that we didn’t like and had unconsciously locked away for fear of rejection.  Not only were we meeting one another for the first time we were also meeting ourselves for the first time – as adults.  Dishonesty, selfishness, jealousy and resentment are just a few of the qualities that showed up for us to examine and accept.

The reason I think many people fail in their marriage is not that they don’t love their spouse, its that they don’t love themselves.  While everyone else in their life is like a mirror that reflects their personality, their spouse is the mirror that reflects their character – in all it’s imperfection.  Some people just don’t like what they see and often choose to leave the relationship or be with someone else rather than allowing, loving and being with their whole self.

If the unexamined life is not worth living than the unaccepted self is not worth loving.  The secret to a lasting marriage- embrace your character and celebrate it with your spouse, for only then will you feel you are worth loving.

Cheering you on to a life time of happiness

Kendra